Category Archives: forgiveness

The Only Person That I Can Ever Change Is Me

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Milepost .... (or half a mile post)

Milepost .... (or half a mile post)

 
My prescription for peace within myself and within the world is simply that: Focus on the only thing that we can ever change: ourselves.

Yesterday, I listened to a friend telling me what a horrible day she had one day this week and that’s all I could think of the while she told the story: The only person I can ever change is me. She told me how horrible this person had treated her and how wrong it was for anyone to act that way and how that person will never learn if someone doesn’t tell them they can’t behave that way. So she proceeded to file a complaint with her boss to prove to her how wrong she was. The lady was horrified for being turned in and to get back at my friend, she returned her Christmas present the next day. My friend was very proud of herself for standing up for herself and for what was right.

As I listened I realized that the hurt in this case was caused not by the lady who was mean, but by my friend who turned the lady’s actions into hurt inside her own heart. This “mean lady” did not take that hurt and place it inside of my friend’s heart, soul or mind. My friend made her own hurt and then was proud of what she had done.

In looking at this situation from the outside, it was easy to see the mistakes that my friend had made. It is not so easy when it is my own life that I am talking about with my own arguments and my own “nasty people” to deal with. The truth is still the same however. I cannot change the behavior or attitudes of anyone around me. I can only change how I react to others. I can only choose to change myself and not anyone else. I can take responsibility for my own emotions and my own happiness and my own life. For this I am grateful.

The quandary here however is how to tell my friend that I think she is wrong and that she is setting herself up for more hurt and more pain. Am I not trying to change my friend by telling her that I think she is wrong?

Letting Go: Challenges of a Perfectionist

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Yellow Flower from the Garden District in New Orleans

Yellow Flower from the Garden District in New Orleans

I think I probably could have called this Blog “Letting Go” because on the spiritual journey that I am on it seems that I am coming up on the need to do this over and over again, each time in slightly different ways. My need to let go is very strong evidently.

I have always felt driven to always tell people exactly what I think about them and about the best course that I think they should take. The problem is that, not everyone wants to hear my opinion all the time and sometimes I just need to shut up and let it go. I have to trust the universe to get the message out without thinking that I am the sole messenger of truth or wisdom.

I may be driven to perfection, but I don’t have to use it as an instrument of torture over myself, my family, my friends or my associates. I have to learn to let things work themselves out sometimes or simply fall where they may and find their own way.

I am grateful that I am learning to temper my perfectionism. I am grateful that I am learning how to express it. I am grateful that I am learning to let go of my perfectionism. I am grateful that there is a wonder and a beauty to the world around me that is an imperfect world.

Learning about perfectionism is learning about forgiveness.

Letting Go II

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Healing . Looking Up . Sky

Following up on yesterday’s post on “Letting Go Of Hurts”, I had some more thoughts. While on my walk I realized that part of my problem is that I am hording my pain like it’s a treasure. I am giving it more life by picking it up and examining and analyzing it way too much. I have done enough releasing of these people that I feel have hurt me. I now release them totally and wish them the best.

I also am happy to learn that I do not need to continue to bring up their names in my meditations. I now release them and the pain and I seek to heal the bruised parts of my soul.

I need to move on now. I need to just forget my own pain. I’ve done the forgiving, so now it is time to forget and move on. It is time that I said “NEXT” to my own thoughts. It is time to think new wonderful thoughts.

I want to heal. I am healing.

Letting Go Of Hurts

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Stone Heart

Stone Heart

I don’t always hold onto the good things and good times. I seem to be attached to some very bad things and horrible times in my life. It is amazing how hard it is for me to let go of these old hurts; those times when I have been rejected or ignored for reaching out to someone. It is important to remember that the hurt is something inside of me and not something that they did to me. I am responsible for my own emotions, my own reactions and my own well being. They may do something that causes me to feel hurt, but they did not place that feeling there. I did. I can choose to let that hurt reside in me and grow and set up residence, or I can choose to let it go. I guess sometimes I have to release some situations, some people, some hurts, over and over again until they disappear or dissolve into nothingness.

I am grateful this day that I am free of all old emotional wounds and that I set myself and others free. I release myself. I release those that “hurt me”. We are all free of my hurt. We are all free to love again. I can let go of my own hurt feelings and my negative emotions so that I can more fully embrace wonderful and great and beautiful things.

Now I am ready for my walk.

Louise Hay Video

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Louise Hay Video Still

Louise Hay Video Still

This wonderful Louise Hay video [called Metaphysical Healing is available on Google Video] is about an hour and a half.  If you are depressed, stressed, overworked, or if you are feeling a little lost, you just might find something to hold onto here. You can also get her book “You Can Heal Your Life”

Enjoy.

The Diseased Funeral

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Grave Yard

Grave Yard

Last week I went to a funeral for the first time in what seems like a decade and it has been on my mind quite a bit since then on my daily walks.

My friend that died last week was a gentle soul who had been in pain for years. He was loved by everyone that met him and we will all miss him very much. His funeral turned out to be not so much an exercise of tribute as it was an opportunity for the preachers to attempt to scare everyone in the audience back into church because if we knew this man very well then we most surely must be headed to hell just like he was.

We all knew exactly what the preacher meant when he talked about “the Disease” that our friend had and how it ravaged his body and spirit. He was proudly telling the whole world that this man was an alcoholic and that was what he should be remembered for. So much was made of it that it seemed that the funeral was more of a tribute to that infernal Disease than it was to our friend.

This funeral was very much like the one that was given for my brother where the preacher somehow thought that it was appropriate to talk about my brother and a desperate prostitute in the same sentence.

In other words, please don’t call the preacher to lead my funeral service who never knew me and never cared to get to know me. I will be very glad when I leave this planet to have all of my friends and family have a celebration service to remember the good times that we all had together.

I affirm the right of every man and every woman to leave this earth in a dignified manner and not have their entire lives disparaged and lessened just because they were not in the right place on the right day at the right time in someones “right view of the world”.

To end on a more positive note, I am grateful for the times that I had with my friend. I am grateful that I got to know him. I am grateful for his smile and his wonderful silly little dance that he did when he was happy. I am grateful for the love he showed me and how he made me feel special when I sat down next to him. Here’s to you my friend. We’re all happy that you aren’t in pain anymore.