Category Archives: spiritual health

Clearing the Path

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Fall in the northeast

Fall in the northeast

Today as I took my 5 mile walk I had to clear allot of fallen branches along the path as we have had a lot of heavy winds in the last couple of days. It reminded me that this journal hopefully performs the same purpose in some way. I hope that in relating my own experiences that I can help to remove obstacles along life’s path that might cause someone else to stumble like I did. I am grateful that I can relate my own experiences with depression, self respect and motivation to help others along their own paths.

Grateful for My Mother

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Mom

Mom

I have not always been grateful for my mother and when she died we were not on the best of terms.  Recently my perspective has been changing somewhat as I have been helping a friend whose children keep pushing her away saying they aren’t responsible for taking care of her now that she is getting older and weaker. It has hit me hard how grateful I have to be for my mother and how I want to honor her memory today.

My mother was a wonderfully strange and funny creature. She was very different than any of the women in my family. There was not a woman anywhere in my known universe at the time that was even remotely like this woman. She never had any time for gossip or negative talk about anyone. She never wanted to speak evil of anyone or anything. She loved to read more than any person I have ever met and was always busy with some creative project. She loved working, she loved selling, she loved shopping for her children. She loved people so deeply that when she died it was not just her family that grieved, but her church and her community all felt a deep sense of loss. I miss that woman and today I honor her memory and her hard work to make me the wonderful person that I am today. I am as unique as she was and I am proud of it.

As I help my friend deal with being rejected and abandoned by her children for “being too much trouble” I know now that I must have hurt my own mother deeply at times by not responding when she called out for help. I forgive myself for my own selfishness and I know that my mother in heaven forgives me too.

I affirm for my friend that she will be able to some day be close with her family and have everyone reach out to each other freely without any baggage from the past, without any emotional wounds or resentments and simply love and respect each other in the present moment. I see her with her children and her grandchildren in a warm and happy family gathering of peace and joy.

Abundance

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Dinner

Dinner

Just a note. When you think your life is hard, take a moment to think what it is like in poorer countries: See this comparison of what families around the world eat in one week. You might feel differently after seeing this.

I am grateful for the roof over my head, for the friends and family in my life, for the food in my refrigerator, for all the blessings that I have living in a beautiful part of the country.

Walking in Gratitude

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Fall 2008 October in New Jersey

Fall 2008 October in New Jersey

Every day my walks help me to keep my head screwed on straight. I am grateful that I finally decided to get off my ass and start taking care of my mind, my body and my soul. With every step on my walk, I try to remain in an attitude of gratitude. I am a very happy man that my life has changed so much for the better. I encourage all of you to get out and walk as much as you can every day. Do it for yourself. Do it for the universe. Do it for your own peace of mind. Just Do It.

My Depression – The Worlds Depression

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Abundance in Nature

Abundance in Nature

My Depression preceded the Worldwide Economic Crisis of 2008 by a few months and for that I am grateful. I don’t think I could have taken the entire planet writhing in pain at the same time that I was. It would have made “my world” even darker.

It is interesting to compare my own crisis with the worlds right now because at the base there is a striking similarity. Joe Nocera of the New York Times said of the financial crisis this morning:

Similarly, when times are bad, fear and loathing capture our imagination, and we find it equally impossible to see a glimmer of hope.

It is that same irrational fear and loathing that led to my own downfall. I was afraid of the future and I loathed my present and my past. I had come to absolutely hate myself. It was strange this week to see bankers, traders and big wigs acting out the same self destructive fantasies that I had in the midst of my depression. It seemed at times this week that the whole world had gotten a serious gut wrenching flu that was sending it into cold sweats with waves of nausea and pain.

The only way I had out of my crisis was to begin to respect myself again and to look for hope. In some way, that is what the world has to do now too. It has to learn from the mistakes of the recent past and get up off the floor, screaming at the top of its lungs, writing in pain.

The world is no less abundant than it was a few weeks ago.

The universe is not poorer than it was a few weeks ago.

The universe is just as rich as it ever was. Nothing has changed.

Do you have just one thing to be thankful for today? Is there more?

My “Bowl of Abundance”

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Bowl of Abundance

There is a section on my daily walk that I call my “Bowl of Abundance”. Before I get to this particular spot there is a beautiful path that is covered on both sides with tall trees that make for something of a dark tunnel. As I approach this spot, the light from this open space floods the tunnel and welcomes you to come in. When you walk into the space, you get the feeling that this marvelous place of green grass, specimen trees and endless blue sky was created just for you. In reality it was; this beautiful spot was transformed into a public park some years ago from a toxic Superfund site. It is the best part of my daily walk and sometimes after my five mile journey, I will take a few moments and take in the beauty of this place.

The principle of abundance that I am learning about is one of that I have gleaned out of Louis Hay’s “You Can Heal Your Life“. As I was coming out of my depression, this part of my daily walk became my own personal bowl of abundance. The sky is so open here that it feels like a gigantic bowl that has been turned upside down. I guess in that sense it is my dome of abundance. This place symbolizes my own reworking of my mind and my spirit to concentrate more on good things, to be grateful for what I have and to believe that I deserve a bountiful abundance of every good thing in the universe as we all do.

I am grateful for the healing power of good physical, mental and spiritual habits.

Learning to Listen

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Listen . Water . Waves . Light

Listen . Water . Waves . Light

One of the things that I am learning right now is how to listen.

At times when I listen to friends talk about their problems I am tempted to jump in and try to offer solutions even before they have finished describing the situation. At other times I feel overwhelmed by what they are saying and have a hard time not letting their chaos or despair overtake me and make me feel hopeless.

I know that the best thing for me to do is sit and wait and let them come to a natural stopping point. I know that the best thing is to see the situation they are describing as outside of myself. I guess I can sometimes be so empathetic that I put myself at risk. I also want to maintain a certain openness. I do not want to be clinical and detached. I guess I am seeking balance.

It’s time for my walk.

Affirmations That Work (in their own time)

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Rock Window

Rock Window

From Answers.com the definition of affirm: 

  1. To declare positively or firmly; maintain to be true.
  2. To support or uphold the validity of; confirm.

From my own experience an affirmation is a positive declaration of something I want to see come true. It is much more than a wish. It is making a statement that this deeply desired outcome has already materialized while at the same time thanking the universe for making it so.

Sometimes it can be discouraging when you make the affirmation over and over again every day and nothing seems to budge. The situation seems hopeless and stagnant.

Last night I found out that one of my affirmations that I make every day on my walk is beginning to materialize. It is happening in a different manner than I had affirmed and in a much larger and much more positive way than I could have ever imagined or asked for. I think that the big movements that need to occur in our lives sometimes take more time than we might think necessary. We have to wait for the conditions to be right. Big changes don’t always occur on our schedule.

I am grateful for the confirmation of my affirmations. I am grateful for a changed reality in my life and the lives of those around me. I am grateful for the increase in hope and confidence that this change brings.

Depression . Suicide . Help

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Pattern Abstract

Pattern Abstract

 I am amazed that many of the people that I have been closest to in my life have had a history of suicide attempts. I guess it was just something in me that gave me some sort of understanding of these souls or maybe it was for my own understanding and protection because I was bound to have the crisis that I had this year where my entire world went black. At my darkest moment, there was someone standing beside me that had been there before. He offered me a hand to literally get up off the ground and a shoulder to cry on. I feel like the most blessed man in the world at this point to have had that friend there at that moment and to have come out the other side. I want to help as many people as I can that might travel down that dark tunnel like I did and that is really what this blog is about.

I am grateful for the writings of Louise Hay for giving me a few strands of hope to hold onto. I continue to do my daily walks and they are important in keeping my mind and body in a better state even if I do not have earth-shaking revelations every day. I am grateful for every step of my walk. I am grateful for the time that I have every day to take these walks to remake my mind and to create peace in my soul and my world.

Today in doing some research into Deepak Chopra, I came across a website that I thought might be very helpful to those of you struggling with depression and with thoughts of suicide as I was a short time ago. The site is appropriately called This Is A War.com, and this is their welcome message from their page on suicide:

Welcome to thisisawar.com.

This site was created to remind you that while you may well feel overwhelmed by life circumstances, no problem is greater than your ability to solve it.

Having said this, we all need a hand from time to time.

So click on the index below for the sections that apply to you (and there will probably be several).

Take your time to read each page. Copy them and print them up if you feel the need.

In each section, you will find useful information, immediate help, email addresses, telephone numbers, message boards, links to helpful books, and terrific sections on hope and laughter.

You may not feel needed at the moment but believe me, you are.

You may not feel loved at the moment but believe me, you are.

You may feel like there is no hope but believe me, there is.

You are needed.

You are loved.

There is hope.

Nothing happens by accident; there’s a good reason you reached this page.

Welcome!

By the way this post today is part of my healing. I needed to admit that I have had thoughts of suicide. I am not ashamed. I will not hide. The fear of the thoughts, and the shame of having them is almost worst than the thoughts themselves.

Deepak Chopra . Perception . Depression

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Study in Gray

Study in Gray

Sometimes when I read Deepak Chopra, I am reminded of the old saying: vanity, vanity, all is vanity. If everything around us is simply perception, why then do we even bother doing anything, why did he bother to write the book. If there is nothing that exists outside of us, then why go on? Is everything in the world going on for just my benefit? Why then is there so much going on that I cannot pay attention to all of it?

I am grateful for the wisdom I am finding in Chopra, but sometimes the questions that his writings bring up get awfully BIG in my head. Sometimes these questions are not good for my recovery from depression. I am grateful that I have the ability to stay calm and objective to sort through these things.