Tag Archives: grateful

The Diseased Funeral

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Grave Yard

Grave Yard

Last week I went to a funeral for the first time in what seems like a decade and it has been on my mind quite a bit since then on my daily walks.

My friend that died last week was a gentle soul who had been in pain for years. He was loved by everyone that met him and we will all miss him very much. His funeral turned out to be not so much an exercise of tribute as it was an opportunity for the preachers to attempt to scare everyone in the audience back into church because if we knew this man very well then we most surely must be headed to hell just like he was.

We all knew exactly what the preacher meant when he talked about “the Disease” that our friend had and how it ravaged his body and spirit. He was proudly telling the whole world that this man was an alcoholic and that was what he should be remembered for. So much was made of it that it seemed that the funeral was more of a tribute to that infernal Disease than it was to our friend.

This funeral was very much like the one that was given for my brother where the preacher somehow thought that it was appropriate to talk about my brother and a desperate prostitute in the same sentence.

In other words, please don’t call the preacher to lead my funeral service who never knew me and never cared to get to know me. I will be very glad when I leave this planet to have all of my friends and family have a celebration service to remember the good times that we all had together.

I affirm the right of every man and every woman to leave this earth in a dignified manner and not have their entire lives disparaged and lessened just because they were not in the right place on the right day at the right time in someones “right view of the world”.

To end on a more positive note, I am grateful for the times that I had with my friend. I am grateful that I got to know him. I am grateful for his smile and his wonderful silly little dance that he did when he was happy. I am grateful for the love he showed me and how he made me feel special when I sat down next to him. Here’s to you my friend. We’re all happy that you aren’t in pain anymore.

Neat Little Packages: Emotional Perfectionism

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Neat Little Packages with Bows

Neat Little Packages with Bows

On my walk the other day I was thinking and meditating about an argument that I had with a friend a few days earlier and I was trying to figure out what the problem was or what had gone wrong, and for the life of me, I could not come up with anything that had caused the problem that morning. I could not see what I or they had done wrong. All I came up with was an image of a tiny little package tied with a bow. At that point, it made no sense and I gave up on trying to understand it’s significance, and just kept on walking.

When I turned around at my two and a half mile marker, it hit me. I always seem to want to tie up “all my packages” with neat little bows. This can be an emotional package, a relationship package, a conversational package, a work package or any number of things that I might encounter or experience as part of my life. Life in all of it’s glory is not easily packaged in a neat little box. Friendships and intimate relationships certainly can never be neatly contained and perfectly wrapped. I guess this is part of my perfectionism that I need to learn to release. I cannot expect any relationship to not have a certain amount of dynamic tension or mystery in it. I have to learn to be comfortable with letting things be unresolved sometimes. I have to more trusting that the answers will come to me over time if I am patient.

I am grateful for the things that I am learning. I am grateful to be able to release the need for neat little packages. I am grateful to be able to embrace a larger and more powerful truth. I am grateful that I can enlarge my perspective on life. I am grateful that God and truth are bigger than my neat little packages. I am grateful to release more of my perfectionism to be able to embrace life as it is.